A series of hilarious events
by Flaremontgomery
Summary: A series of one-shot stories of when Deadpool shows up, and makes castles life... interesting. Rated T but some chapters could be borderline M.
1. Poker night

It was no secret that castle knew some of the superheroes in New York, in fact he knew quite a few, but his favorite hero, or anti hero, was none other than Deadpool.

Yes, the merc with the mouth was one of his favorites, they would have a lot of laughs together.

One time where they usually had fun was when castle invited him to play poker with a few fellow writers, but sometimes things got... weird.

Castle opened the door and saw the man standing in the doorway.

"Wade."

"Rick."

"Do you have clothes on underneath your suit?"

"Yes castle. I'm not a mindless animal."

"You do remember the last two times you were here right?"

Wade flashed back to the first two times that he had shown up to castles apartment for poker. He had spent over an hour making sure he was weapon free before sitting down, and five minutes later they left and he had to spend another hour gearing up. The next time. he took off his suit and made everyone cringe as he sat down. The evening had taken a turn for the worst when he had tried making small talk and insulted everyone at the table, and their families. Once the problem was solved, castle told him that he had to wear clothes on under his suit when he stopped by for poker night again.

"Yeah, I do."

"So you have something on under the suit?"

"Yes." Wade said as he took off his suit and was standing in socks, a pair of basketball shorts, and a Deadpool shirt. He pulled out a pair of unicorn slippers, and a unicorn plush from his bag.

"You're going to keep it PG-13 right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, we don't need to insult anyone's mothers this time around."

"Yeah, I went to far last time."

"Wade, you insulted Stephen King by saying he looked like a mummy who needed to get..."

"I know. It wasn't exactly my finest moment."

"You said that I should be a tap dancer so I could tap Nikki heat."

"Because that's a stripper name."

"You said that..."

"I also said that I look like a testicle with teeth."

"That is true."

"Hey! Stephen said. "Are we going to play or what?"

"Coming." Castle said. "Behave Wade."

"I will."

They sat down and played poker.

When it was time to go, Wade didn't move.

"Wade? Are you okay?"

"I'm having a problem."

"Please tell my you aren't..."

"Yup."

"Waaade." Castle complained.

"I can't walk around with this kind of a problem rick. People will notice, and there is no way I'm going to jail for indecent exposure."

"Can't you say you are drunk?"

"Well it hasn't worked the last ten times, but maybe it will work this time."

"Sarcasm is unbecoming."

"Try saying that with a straight face."

"You know I can't take you seriously."

"Then help me."

The rest of the evening was... interesting, to say the least.

AN: this is a series of one shots, when Deadpool comes to annoy castle.


	2. Kate

The first time that Kate met Deadpool she was shocked.

Apparently castle and Deadpool were having an argument that castle said he had won.

Deadpool had other plans.

"We have someone to see Mr. castle." An officer said.

"Oh." Castle had said. "I guess I have a secret admirer."

"What if it's your mother or your daughter?" Kate asked.

"Then I will have to atone."

Castle walked into the conference room. The next thing Kate heard was.

"OH GOSH! WADE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! THIS IS GOING TO HAUNT MY DREAMS FOREVER NOW!"

Castle came running out of the conference room followed by a man wearing nothing but a Deadpool mask.

"Um, castle." Becket said. "He's only wearing a mask."

"Oh, is this who you based Nikki heat off of?"

"Yes Wade." Castle said looking anywhere but at Wade.

"She's hot."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Uh oh."

"Wade?"

"Yeah?"

"Please tell me that you aren't."

"Okay guys." Esposito said walking into the bullpen and when he saw Deadpool he yelled. "RYAN! STAY BACK!"

"Why? Ryan asked concerned for his partner.

"Because I want to protect what little innocence you have left."

Ryan thought that they were making fun of him and walked into the bullpen and immediately regretted his decision. "I'm going to go home and rethink my life."

"Agreed." Castle, Kate, And Esposito said in unison.

Captain Montgomery was not pleased that three of his detectives took the rest of the week off.


	3. Martha

Martha knew that castle had made friends with some of the superheroes around New York, but she did not know what he saw in Deadpool. The man was unusual to say the least.

One such occasion started when castle had invited him to play poker. The first time he had come to poker night he spent an hour taking off all of his weapons. How could one person carry so many weapons on their person?

The second time he had come to play poker Martha had gotten to see just what kind of a man Deadpool was under his suit. She had been sick for a week and couldn't even look at a hot dog vendor for a month.

The third time she hid in her room, but the man had mistaken her room for the bathroom. After that she had sworn off hotdogs for life.

When castle had told her that it was poker night again she had to put her foot down.

"Richard."

"Yes, mother?"

"I forbid you from having poker here tonight."

"Why is that?"

"Wade."

"What about Wade?"

"The man is covered from head to toe in scar tissue, he has the hygiene of a pig, and he seems to always be turn..."

"Mother!"

"It's true Richard."

"I was just going to say that Wade is already here."

Martha turned around and saw wade in jeans and a T-shirt that had Deadpool riding a unicorn, giving her the most distraught face she had ever seen. Or maybe it was just the scar tissue making it look worse than it actually was.

Wade left castles apartment and only came back when Martha was gone.


	4. Alexis

Deadpool was no magician.

How did Alexis know this you ask.

Because on Alexis's 10th birthday castle had forgotten to hire the magician and instead of telling Alexis this, he called Wade.

Yeah, when your opening line is. "Hey kids want to see a dead body?" And you shoot yourself...

The best part of the day was when Wade got a picture of castles face, the look of horror on his face was priceless. That was also when castle outlawed weapons in the apartment.

Deadpool was a pretty good uncle though. When Alexis turned 16 he threw her a sweet 16 that made her dad nervous. She should have been worried that she couldn't remember anything about it, but she knew that Wade wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.


	5. Movie marathon

Harry Potter and the deathly hallows part two was out on blu-ray and DVD. So Alexis and Castle were going to have a movie marathon to watch all eight movies.

"Should we invite uncle wade?" Alexis asked.

"We can, I don't know what he will say, but we can." Castle said handing her his phone.

Meanwhile.

Deadpool has just finished with a street gang and didn't know how to spend his afternoon, when his phone rang.

It was castle.

"How is the sexiest man alive today?"

"_Actually this is Alexis, dad is sitting next to me."_

"Sorry Alexis, ask your dad how the sexiest man alive is today?" Deadpool knew that he could ask Alexis to do that and she would actually do it without much complaint, she had a good head on her shoulders. He actually didn't know how she got it though, castle was castle. Martha's was, well he wouldn't touch Martha with a ten foot pole, maybe a ten and a half foot pole, but certainly not a ten foot pole. And Meridith... lets just say that deadpool had taken smarter...

"_My dad says that he is doing swimmingly."_

"Is he wearing a two piece bathing suit?"

"_No_." Alexis had learned to roll with his brand of crazy.

"If I were texting you, I'd send you a cat with a sad face, but on another note, how is the smartest castle in New York doing?"

"_I'm doing great."_

_"_That's good."

"_Yeah, actually the reason I'm calling..."_

"You need someone killed?"

"_No."_

"Okay."

"_We just bought the last Harry Potter movie and are having a marathon."_

"Well that seems like a lousy way to watch a movie. I mean how are you going to watch them while running 30 miles?"

"_No, we're having a movie marathon."_

"Oh, why didn't you say so?"

"_I did, you just took the wrong meaning for marathon."_

_"_I do that a lot."

"_Yeah."_

"Will there be: popcorn, drinks, snacks, food, laser tag, and Martha?"

"_Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no."_

"Perfect, I'm in."

"_Okay, see you in a bit."_

"Okay, see you soon."

Castles apartment.

Wade knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Castle shouted.

Wade walked in and saw castle and Alexis on the couch with a spread in front of them and laser tag gear behind them.

He sat down and they started with the sorcerers stone.

Twenty seven hours later.

"I'm going to bed, dad."

"Night sweetheart."

"Night wade."

"G'night Alexis."

Castle was going to go to bed, when his phone rang. "Oh no." He looked at it and saw that it was kate.

"I can stay here if you have to go." Wade said.

"Do you have sleepwear? And no, boxers don't count."

"No."

"Go grab a pair of basketball shorts and a Tee shirt from my room, that way neither Alexis or I find you naked on the couch. again."

With that castle left the apartment.

AN: if you want me to make a fic. of this chapter going into details of what took place while they watched Harry Potter 1-7 part two, let me know and I will write an 8-10 chapter fic.


	6. Meredith

New York psychiatry 

"Hello Meredith, my name is Doctor Winston summers."

"Hello Doctor summers." Meredith said.

"Could you tell me what happened?"

"I was walking from my ex-husbands apartment after spending the day with my daughter, and I saw this man following me."

"What did the man look like?"

"He was tall, and was wearing black and red clothes that covered his whole body."

"And what did the man do?"

"He just kept following me around. Every time I turned around he was there. Whenever I told the police that he was following me they would look around."

"Did they find the man?"

"No! They said that no one was following me, and that I might be seeing things."

"What happened next?"

"I found the guy."

"What did you do?"

"I hit him with my purse."

"You hit him."

"Yes. I saw him disappear into a restaurant and a few minutes later a man came out."

"How do you know he was the same man?"

"His face was covered in scars, how could he not be?"

"Let me get this straight." Doctor Summers said pinching the bridge of his nose. "A man in a black and red suit goes into a restaurant, a few minutes later a man with scar tissue on his face comes out, and you attack him with your purse?"

"Yes. What else was I supposed to do, let him attack me when my guard was down?"

"Meredith..." Dr. summers said exasperated.

"What?"

Dr. Summers reached into his drawer and pulled out a box. He pulled at his face and ripped the mask off. "I'm Wade Wilson, or you may know me better as..." he pulled the Deadpool mask on and said. "...Deadpool."

Deadpool teleported away as Meredith began screaming bloody murder.

At a crime scene elsewhere in New York.

"This is castle." Castle said answering his phone.

"_Hey castle."_

"Oh, hey wade."

"_Just wanted to let you know that you don't have to worry about Meredith anymore."_

"Wade, what did you do."

_"I..." *click*._

"Wade. Did you just hang up on me? Wade. Wade? WADE!"

Deadpool smiled and couldn't help but laugh at what castles mind must be coming up with.


	7. Roy

It was just an ordinary day for Roy Montgomery when he walked into the precinct,and saw everyone working. Then castle walked in with Deadpool following him.

"The restraining order says you can't be within 500 feet of me." Roy said to deadpool before disappearing into his office.

When asked why the captain had a restraining order against deadpool. Deadpool responded with one of six different responses.

1:) Comic-Con, unicorn plush, and a signed picture of William shattner.

2:) a garden supply store, a trowel, and a squirrel named jerry.

3:) a dairy farm, a gender confused bull, and a frilly apron.

4:) a used car dealership, a rubber snake, and that one guy with the yellow cowboy hat. "I think his name was Laurence."

5:) the San Diego zoo, a runaway tiger, and a purse full of raw steak.

6:) dumpster diving and that one guys left ear.

Ryan asked if the ear was still attached. Castles face twisted in a horrified manner and said "you don't want to know."

Later an officer was seen, begging castle to tell them the story.

Castles response was. "I don't hate you enough to tell you that story."

Esposito kept pushing for the inside scoop. Castle leaned over and whispered in his ear.

Esposito walked away in complete shock never brought it up again.


	8. Lanie

April 1, 2014

Lanie was in the morgue doing an autopsy.

"Victim is a Caucasian male, age is undetermined, most of his body is covered in scar tissue so cause of death is unknown."

Lanie grabbed a scalpel and began making an incision when castle walked into the morgue to "now the party don't start till I walk in." From Kesha's 'Tik Toc'.

"What do you want castle?"

"I was wondering if you've seen wade around."

"Wade, Wade who?"

"That would be me." The man on the table said.

In the bullpen.

Beckett heard a high pitched scream coming from the morgue and ran down to check on Lanie. When she got there she saw castle on the floor in tears from laughing so hard and the guy they had brought in for Lanie to autopsy laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.

"A-Apr-April f-foo-fools lan-Lanie." Castle said struggling to get the words out due to his laughter.

"You two have five seconds to get out of here before I shoot you!" Beckett yelled.

Castle was out of the room in 4 seconds, while Deadpool took his sweet time getting dressed. He knew that she either couldn't or wouldn't hurt him.


End file.
